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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Dear Mom.....I get it

Dear Mom,

Its hard to believe its been four years since we said goodbye. In some ways, it seems like just the other day when we got the call. Words that I wasn't ready to hear, "Its time." As hard as that moment was, I am grateful that I had those last hours to be with you.

Four years has also felt like a lifetime. Days and years that are now void of your presence. Moments that I wish you could share with me as I watch my children grow up. I've learned a lot over these years without you, and I just wanted to say, "I get it".

Just the other day, Bec and I were talking about our busy schedule. Running our kids from here to there, juggling the games, practices and the impossibility of being in more than one place at once. We both agreed we don't know how you did it, but we get it. We now get while you were always carting your laundry around, folding it in the van as you watched the boys played baseball because you didn't want to miss a thing.

We get it after a long day, how many times you were doing this all on your own while Dad was out to sea. No wonder there were days your patience ran low. We get it. Oh do I get as a mom, some days I just feel spent. I think I'm still adjusting to the fact that I'm actually an adult, a wife, a mother. No one actually handed me the adult card. It seems surreal sometimes as I watch my children growing up. I've learned so much from your example, and I get it.

I get now why you would stay up way into the wee hours to catch up on the housework. I often find myself doing the same because waking up the next morning with an edge on the next day feels much better than pots in the sink and the piles of laundry. I've taken on some your habits like emptying the trash far too often, but I rarely pick up lint. And I'm no where near the laundry folder like you were!

I get it now why many times your vacations became road trips to visit family and friends. We moved around for so many years, and there is something nostalgic and wonderful about going back to see our old homes, schools and friends from past days. I've enjoyed too reliving the memories as now I am getting older.

This year, I had my 20 year class reunion, and went back to the Cape. What fun to see classmates from some many years ago and catch up. I enjoyed taking Mike by my old high school, Snake Pond, Osterville Baptist Church but couldn't get on the base to see our house. We spent the day with Yvonne and her family too. 

And just the other day, I got a text from Meredith as the Floskys were at Disney World. You know my friend, Sherida, from 5th grade?! She recognized my in-laws at the park. Meredith sent over a picture asking if I recognized this face. All because of my Facebook posts. Can you believe it? Twenty-eight years later? I was jealous I personally didn't get to see her, but Disney sure got it right "Its a small world after all!"

I get it now why you baked the pumpkin bread every year, pretzel rings at Christmas and those gooey-bars. Such enjoyment to see the family so delighted to smell it baking in the oven. You'll be happy to know that your pumpkin bread is the grandkids favorite!

I get it now why you learned when you were sick to finally ask for help, let people in and ask for forgiveness. Life is too short to carry grudges and not build relationships. I'm working to get those things right, Mom.

And Mom, I finally get how much of a staple you were in our lives. Our family has not been the same without you. All the little Joanne-isms are things I now delight to see in myself and my children. I appreciate your ability to be so organized and multi-task. I have recognized that was a gift you passed down to me. We may not have always appreciated you untying our shoelaces, but I get it. I have a lead foot like you when I drive, but I still don't think I could ever walk as fast as you. Although, I'm enjoying a lot more walks these days. Its been good for the soul.

I see how the little things you did like folding our laundry, dropping off junk mail and dancing to your favorite song were your joys. We still have dance parties from time to time, and I miss having you as my dance partner. I get why having your family over to enjoy a meal even if you didn't actually sit down to eat with us (well sometimes you did when we told you to) were your ways of showing you loved us.

So, I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get it. But oh I see it now, and I'm grateful for the years that I had on this earth with you, the legacy you left for my family and the hope that you shared with me in Jesus. I can't imagine what you are experiencing right now in heaven. But I get it....that I will see you one day. That my hope and rest comes from having Jesus in my heart. Only He has gotten me through these years without you.

Finally, I get it....that life is but a breathe. Its just a fleeting moment. So, I'm living to make every moment count. I get it. You lived and taught me that. I miss you. I love you and forever you will be cherished in our hearts. Until we meet again...

Your Grateful Daughter,
Carolyn 


 Our last family vacation with Mom...summer of 2011 Story Book Land


Mom's Pumpkin bread was a must bake this week, and an all time comfort food in this house. The tradition lives on.

2 comments :

  1. Boy oh boy Carolyn, You hit it on the button. This is such a good blog, and I so relate to what you are saying and by the way my Mom's name was Joanne too. It will be 1 year next month for my mom. I miss her and wish I could go back and share more time with her too. You are doing a great job. And your pumpkin loaves look so good.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Char! I'm glad you enjoyed the blog. I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your mom. Praying you continued to have peace and comfort.

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