When the Wind Gets Knocked Out Of You

Thinking back to my childhood days, its a time filled with wonderful memories of visiting my grandparents in New Jersey. Both of my parents grew up in the same area. Its where their love story began as they met attending high school together. German class to be exact. Where my dad used to crack his knuckles sitting behind my mother to get her attention. It must have worked because they fell in love, got married, had a family and here I am. So, its where we returned to visit with family and friends during the holidays and summer months.

Jersey vacations take me back to a time of ease where we looked forward to Tasty Cakes in the bread drawer, jersey corn and swimming in the pool. Countless walks up to Sheeters, a penny candy store in town after we had collected all the loose change in every nook, cranny and drawer around my grandparent's house. For a reward, each of us got a quarter which went a long way as we picked out our favorite sweets to fill a small, brown bag. Cigarette gum sticks, tootsie rolls, swedish fish and shoelace licorice were a few I enjoyed.

Vacations in Jersey were enjoyable with lots of time playing with the cousins. In particular, I remember the park across the street where we as kids would play on the swings, tall slides, monkey bars and the merry go round. Its hard to find a merry go round now a days. Probably because there were too many accidents on those things. However, just the other day I found one. What a delight to spin my own children round and round and see the smiles on their faces. It also helped navigate my next train of thought for this blog.

Oh the merry go round where everyone ventures to stand, sit or hold on for dear life. For the more daring, brace your legs and be hands free to take the thrill to whole new level. Faster, FASTER is encouraged by all as one or maybe two spin it round and round before letting go or jumping on to join in the fun. Can you feel it? Have you experienced it? The thrill of the merry go round.

One time in particular when it was my turn to be the spinner. I was giving it my all. Running as fast as I could round and round to the delight of the riders. In a split second, my whole momentum changed and instead of hopping on to enjoy the ride, I slipped and landed right on my stomach and got the wind knocked out of me. It was the strangest sensation. I wasn't quite sure what to do at that moment. As I struggled to get up, I remember trying to talk and not being able to. Seconds that seemed to last for eternity as I waited for the breathe to return to me. It wasn't a pleasant feeling at all, and definitely not one I wanted to experience again. 

Life is a lot like that incident on the merry go round. As we live life with relationships, job opportunities, following our dreams or the call on our life, we too may get the wind knocked out of us. Opposition that will challenge what we are made of or a blow to the very core of our being. Seasons where we feel like the very breath we have is being taken right out of us. Those are some painful times that can define how we approach and live life. We stagger trying to catch our breath, evaluating what just took place and left in wonder of what just happened. We then began to choose to ride again or walk away because of the pain. 

This past summer, I had a relational conflict that literally emotionally knocked the wind out of me. It completely took me by surprise, and it hurt to the core. My character was misjudged leaving me feeling mishandled and mistreated. It hurt deeply and for weeks I felt completely shattered. I was staggering around heartbroken. I was gasping for breath trying to figure out what just hit me. I must have replayed the moment in my mind a million times. Seriously, a million! Rehashing what was said and how I was treated. So many questions of why and so many feelings that I didn't want to feel. Feelings of anger, self pity, resentment, frustration were a few. I'm not sure I can put into words all that I felt. I just knew it hurt. The pain was real, and I needed my wind back.

How do we get our wind back?What do we do with these moments or better yet how de we respond to perilous times? We just commerated the 14th anniversary of the September 11 attack. A time where our nation was blinded sided as a terrorist plan unveiled before our eyes and left our nation in disbelief, horror, helplessness and fear while thousands died. And though we can never take away the reality of that very, awful day, it was a time we began to see and experience what our nation was made of. Land of the free and home of the brave as many displayed their patriotism. People gathered to help clean up the rumble. Candle light vigils, benefit concerts, displays of the American flag began to erupt all across the nation. Many flooded the church looking for hope and peace in a time where fear was rampant in so many hearts. Even though the years have gone by, we have vowed to never forget. It has forever changed our lives and the core of our nation.

In the same way, I had to look at myself and realize what I was made of. Would I allow a day, a moment to define me? Would I give in to whatever others thought or said about me? Would I take a look and evaluate myself where I missed it? What would my future look like?

All I can say is its a process. An ongoing process, where we allow the Lord to come in and heal our hearts, speak to our spirit and move us forward. It requires forgiveness, admission and a willingness to learn when you just want to sit and feel sorry for yourself. At least that has been my journey…..

In the most realness of these moments, I rested in the fact that my hope is in the Lord. My confidence is in Him. I got to the arms of Jesus and just let Him love me. Love me in my brokeness. Love me in my weakness. I literally talk to Him in the rawest form possible. Pouring out on Him my grief, my sorrow, my pain. Holding nothing back because HE already knows my feelings. The amazing part is that as I bear my soul to Him an exchange takes place. A beautiful exchange of love that says He understands. He is there. He is listening, and He cares.

As I feel safe, secure, overwhelmed by His gentleness to care for me, I was able take the next step to go back to the moment that was so painful. Introspection....looking at myself. This can be so difficult and painful, but I always try to look and ask 'What do I need to change? What could I have done differently? What did I learn from that painful moment?' I never want to imagine that I am not at all responsible for a moment that took place in my life. Somehow I got here, and I need to understand how and why. Self examination which has often for me lead to repentance. 

Sifting…..seperating the truth from the chaff. What was truth in that situation? What was not? Understanding that just because someone says something about you doesn't make it truth. I really struggled with this one. My husband just plainly asked me "Is it true? Are you what they say you are? Did you do what they said you did? If no, then let it go." 

Forgive and forgive again. Whether its yourself, whether its others. Forgiveness is so vital to the healing process of living and breathing again. We cannot hold on to the wrongs that have taken place in our life and expect to move forward. It will hold us captive until we fully release any weight of unforgiveness. I'm not willing to hold on to any weights and carry them for the rest of my life. I want to be free. 

We must never forget. There is always a lesson to be learned. That is what life is. An ongoing classroom experience through the highs and lows of life that can determine our future course. I want to ever be a student, learning, growing and becoming the full person of who God has called me to be.

So the next time, life knocks the wind out of you, recognize its just a moment. Realize, you can get back up. Remember, you will breathe again and do yourself a favor, get back on the merry go round! Life is too short to let it take your breath away! Enjoy the ride friends!

And His Name Was….

There are people in you life that have a way of brightening up your day. You know that ones that bring a smile to your face and perhaps leave you feeling better than when you met them. This was the case for him…..a person that I encountered during a common errand while driving the mom car around with my list to do on very ordinary days.

There are people in you life that have a way of brightening up your day

Perhaps as I tell the story, it may seem minuscule but yet that's what stood out to me. It was simple yet profound. It mattered. It made a difference in my day, and I left feeling challenged and introspective. He had inspired me. "Who?" you ask. "Tell us who you are talking about."

Him….he was nameless up until a week ago, and yet our relationship began when I arrived at my local credit union. He was an employee there. We met in the drive-thru. He greeted me with a friendly hello and took my transaction. He noticed me not just as a customer but as a mom. Before we finished, he asked, "How many kids are in the car? I can't see through your tinted windows." "Five," I told him, and he sent over enough lollipops for my crew. Not just a mix of them, but all the same flavor. I was impressed with his intuition. How could he have known that an uproar might occur over who got which flavor? He finished with "Have a great day" as we departed ways.

Seems simple enough and yet this was the same greeting every time we met, but each time more friendly as if we had known each other for years. "Hey there!! How are you?" He even recognized when I was on my own and commented that it must be nice as a busy mom to get some time alone. He didn't leave me empty handed either. Even with my empty car, 5 lollipops sent over for when I picked up the kids. He remembered there was five. Impressive!



Thoughtful, caring, friendly is how I would describe him. Simple yet profound ways to make a person feel recognized, and I didn't even know his name. I hadn't take the time to be on a first name basis. Yet, I thought highly of him. At one point, I felt maybe I was special until I heard him have the same greeting with the car in the next lane. Nope….he made everyone feel special. Even more reason to admire this young man.

Thoughtful, caring, friendly is how I would describe him.

A couple weeks back I pulled up to bank, and there he was. "Hello sunshine," I thought. I was happy to see "my friend" and the first thing he said was "Oh good, I was hoping to see you this week before Friday." I inquired why, and he went on to tell me Friday was his last day. He had gotten a new job. I didn't want be nosey and ask where, but he continued to carry on how he got a manager job at Tim Hortons. "In the area?" I asked. Didn't want to intrude too much, but I was curious. "No, no. Up in New Baltimore I'll start out at 26 mile location. I used to work there before I came to the bank and now they want me to manage 3 of their new locations they are building." "Great." I responded. I could tell he was excited about the opportunity. Good for him! Someone recognized this young man's potential, and I was happy to know he was moving on to a great opportunity.

I was taken back at his wanting to be open and share this experience with me, and also that he wanted to say goodbye. I had made the list. I would miss my friend. My ray of sunshine who still remained nameless. Surely, I couldn't ask his name at this point. I never had before and felt it was a little too late and out of place at this point. I wished him the best of luck and told him we would miss him. He thanked me, and we departed ways. Who knows if I will ever see my friend again?

I left taking in the conversation just had. The impact he had made on my life. The simple gestures of kindness that he had infused into my days, and I have to imagine so many others. He didn't just do his job well, but he affected people positively in the meantime. He was love with skin on.

Simple gestures of kindness that he had infused into my days

See it doesn't take much to impact a person's day. A simple smile, hello or taking the time to engage and show interest in another human being. Minute ways that we can impact our world. This past week it was sad to go to the bank knowing I wouldn't see his smiling face. I pulled up to make my transaction, and he wasn't there. She was there instead. Cordial, efficient, non invasive…..no judgement. I just noticed the vast difference. 

If we're not careful, we all can be that way. Busy in life, doing our thing, running our course, getting it done but making little to no impact. Life is but a breath and then its gone. I want to be one that makes a difference in my simple, every day life. I want to be like him!

You'll be happy to know I did however take the opportunity to ask her his name. "What was the name of the young man that worked here that left to manage at Tim Hortons?" She opened up and answered. "His name was Scott." "Thanks," I said. I was happy to finally have a name to put with his face.

I was happy to finally have a name to put with his face

Scott oh Scott! I'm going to miss you my friend. Your simple ways impacted my ordinary days and inspired me to live as if everyone I encounter is a friend. God bless you. I'm the more better from having met you. You inspired me. You impacted my heart. I'm grateful for the footprint you made in my life.

As I wrap up this latest posting, it seems fitting to quote these simple words from a very wise woman who lived a self-less giving life that inspired many around the world. May we all live more thoughtfully taking time with simple ways to show love because there are no ordinary days.

What's In Your Hand?

"There are no ordinary days"a theme that has spoken to me for quite awhile. Its inspires me to look at each day as a opportunity to live life to the fullest, to make a difference and to press towards greatness. Recently, I've been thinking about generosity as we went through a series at church called "The ABC's of Financial Freedom."

I can remember days when my husband and I really struggled to pay the bills. We were overwhelmed with credit card debt and medical bills. It frustrated me. I hated being tied to the $633.84 that came in each week. It was a stretch to pay the house payment, car payments, school tuition, utilities, groceries and have anything left in our account. Often, we were headed into the next month with bills unpaid. Birthdays and Christmas were a burden. Savings was none existence. I despised those days. Yet looking back, it was a time of refining.

Refining as I had to evaluate what got us there in the first place. Improper planning, overspending, no budget were at the beginning of the list. Unexpected expenses, unforeseen medical bills could be added as well. I had stopped working full time when we started having children, and we hadn't prepared to go down to a single income.

We spent a long time digging our way out. It was painful. It was hard. It was often a time of tension between Mike & I. Financial pressure is one of top reasons for divorce these days. Several years back, we tuned into Dave Ramsey on the radio, attended a seminar at church and hooked up with a financial planner in the area. Looking at the numbers was difficult. It didn't add up. Even with a plan in place, things didn't change over night, but with a concerted effort to get out of debt, we did it! Its been over five years since we payed off all our debt. I am happy to say we are in a much better place financially in our lives.

It took some honest evaluation about what we could afford. New cars, nope! Leases not that either! We now both drive used vehicles. Credit cards gone! We couldn't handle the temptation. I say this all not to brag but if you are that place like we were, there is hope. Take small steps toward change, and you will see the fruit of your labor. This isn't the actual topic of my blog but a step towards speaking about living a life of generosity.

Generosity is defined as the virtue of not being tied down by concerns of one's possessions It can also be spending time, money or labor for others without being rewarded in return. When Mike & I were in a difficult time financially, it was hard to think about being generous. If you are anything like me, we always said we would be generous if we had lots to give, but when finances are tight or we had little, we often put generosity on the back burner. Generosity is not based on the amount we give but on how we live our lives.

It brings me back to a place when I remember being challenged by God with the question "What's in your hand?" We had heard about a family in our church that had no food. Their fridge, freezer and pantry were empty, and there were many mouths to feed. I was saddened by this news and wanted to help, but at the time I thought I had nothing to give. Its then that the Lord asked me "What's in your hand?" "In my hand?" I thought. "Nothing was in my hand", but it wasn't true. I had just done a huge shop for my family. Our fridge was stocked. Our freezer was full. Our pantry was filled! I indeed had something to give. So, I began to sort through all the groceries and bring it down to just enough to get through until the next paycheck. If I had two paper towels, I gave one. If I had 4 bags of frozen vegetables, I gave 2. If I had 2 loaves of bread, I gave 1. You see, I did have something to give. I had narrowed my scope to monetarily and couldn't see beyond our own struggle.

We filled those bags up and delivered a sizable donation that would bring temporary relief. That my friend is generosity. I say this not to pat ourselves on the back but to bring understanding that we all have something in our hand. Generosity can occur when we give a smile, a hug, a word of encouragement, a ride to someone without transportation, groceries, a gift card we haven't spent….the list could go on. Generosity is defined by what we have in our hand, and we all have something.

I believe most people want to be generous but when presented let their own life circumstances effect their generosity. Just as I gave an example of meeting a need, I can tell you also we have missed it. A couple years back, we felt moved to give a car to a single mom in the church. We must of had the conversation a million times as we drove up to church that we needed to step out and do it, but because we didn't think we could afford to and in our human minds couldn't figure out how to make it work, we delayed our giving. Time went by and someone else blessed this person with transportation. Though we rejoiced the need had been met, it was bittersweet because we knew we hadn't been obedient to  do what God had impressed upon us. We repented and asked God for forgiveness. We asked for another opportunity, and He was faithful to provide. We stepped out the next time and were quick to give instead of waiting for it to make sense.

I now have become very sensitive to step out when I feel the Lord is calling me to action. If He asks, I have to believe He will give me understanding on how to meet the need. He is a supernatural God, right? As I mentioned earlier, we just finished a financial series at church. Our pastor spoke of a young missionary in Mexico who was in desperate need of transportation. I knew I had to get involved. So, I contacted this young man. Here's Daniel's story:

I'm a missionary in Tijuana, Mexico, teaching and showing the kids and teens God's love in many ways: through a kids' program on Saturdays, through two soccer teams every Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday, through a teens small group every Thursday, and various events that I do for them throughout the year. For a lot of these events, I go and pick up the kids from their houses for the distance and safety in a truck that someone lets me borrow, but that truck has recently gone out of commission, and I'm really in need of a new vehicle. It was really hard transporting 16 kids in that 1996 Ford Explorer, which only had five actual seats and the small flatbed. I'm looking for something bigger, like this 2006 Nissan Urvan, which would be perfect to take the kids in. It's definitely big enough for all of the kids to safely fit into, and it's in great condition. We also need a vehicle to transport the 20 teens to the small group and other events that we have for them, like camp that is coming up in a month, and this would be the perfect thing to do just that. 

Forgive me as it may seem like an ulterior motive for my blog writing. It is. I believe the Lord has used my writing to inspire and encourage others. I know that many of you upon reading will hear the need and want to partner with us. So I ask that you would prayerfully consider what is in your hand. Can you give a $1, $5, $10, $20, $50, $100, $1,000.? Perhaps you have friends that would help? Share this blog. If you can't give, pray. Pray that Lord would show us how to get these funds for Daniel and bless his ministry. I want to see this need met by the end of the summer.

Remember its takes stepping out of the ordinary for the extraordinary to happen. We all have something to give. We all have something in our hand. So, again I ask "What's in your hand?" I close with a few verses to inspire us all to live a life of generosity. May our ordinary days be marked with generosity to do extraordinary things for others.

Luke 6:38

Give, and it will given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.

Proverbs 11:24-25

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

If you wish to partner with us in providing a car for Daniel, please click on the link below:

GoFundMe: A Car For Daniel

A Daddy's Girl

There are no ordinary days and as I look back at my childhood, I look at the days, the moments, the years that my father invested in me. A daddy's girl is what I lovingly call myself. From a very young age, I recognized and cherished the bond I had with my father. He was a figure of strength, courage, wisdom and love that has made me into the person I am today. I can look back at my life and see how his presence made such a profound impact on me. So today, since its Father's Day, I thought I would take a moment to honor him with all his life has taught me.

He was a figure of strength, courage, wisdom and love that has made me into the person I am today

He was the first man I ever fell in love with. I have always loved my Dad. In fact, my parents often told the story that I preferred my dad even as a young child and men in general. They would laugh as I would lift my arms to any man in the room but there was no man that could fill what my Dad was to me. Childhood pictures display my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. There was a love and comfort I found in my daddy's arms.

My first love

A spiritual leader, he was the one who led me to Jesus. I can still recall the day that he prayed with me in his room leading me in the the salvation prayer after I inquired about my sister being baptized. We always had a good church family wherever we lived. Whether leading us in family Bible studies, watching him give his testimony or going on mission trips, my childhood was filled with a Godly example. Early mornings, he was up before all of us at the kitchen table with a cup of black coffee, his Bible laid out alongside a Strong concordance digging for understanding. His spiritual walk has always inspired me to pursue God more!

A spiritual leader 

An amazing provider, we had a good life growing up. Never lacking food on the table, clothes on our back or a car to drive, our needs were always met. I can recall when we lived in St. Louis, he took on an extra job in the evenings and weekends to give us a great Christmas. As teenagers, my sister and I both needed braces, and he sacrificed by paying for very expensive orthodontic work to give us a smile to be proud of. The man that never smiled showing teeth until his fifties after he finally invested in his own set of braces. Our smiles came first. In fact, his motto showed it was always family first! He made financial investments in our future as he paid for his kids to get a college education as well.

An amazing provider

Dad loved to plan family vacations that would include something educational and fun. We saw much of the country during our adventures. Trips I will never forget from Kings Dominion to Valley Forge, Monticello to Wild Wood, Mt Vernon to Rehoboth Beach, our family vacations were cherished moments. Even now, we still enjoy going on family vacations together with the grands.

Our family vacations were cherished moments

A loving husband to my mother for almost forty years. He cherished my mother. I can remember how he would always say how beautiful she was. It was evident he adored her. He loved to take her picture and talk about how photogenic she was. He did whatever it took to make her happy and even when my mom was very sick, he cared for her so very tenderly and graciously. Through sickness and and in health, he was a one woman man for over 40 years through dating and marriage, and his example helped me know what to look for in a husband (and I got a good one!)

A loving husband

Whether he meant to, its in our genes, having him for a father enabled me to have a strong opinion. I appreciate that my Dad gave me a voice. He liked that I could think, reason and defend what I believed. He often told me 'dynamite came in small packages' and that the sky was the limit. He made me feel like I could do anything! To have someone believe in you and instill confidence in you is a priceless gift.

He gave me a voice

A spirit of adventure, he taught us to have fun in life. I rode my first roller coaster with my Dad at Hersey Park, Pennsylvania on the Super Dooper Looper. He had to bribe me with $5 but made me a lover of adventure after that. He only had to pay me once, and I was hooked!

A spirit of adventure

His life displayed resilience and adapting to change. After my mother passed away, I wondered how my dad would be. He sought purpose for the next phase of his life. He retired from his GM job and decided to become a missionary to Africa. Seeing a renewed passion to remain purposeful in life and invest in eternal things as he serve others, makes me respect and honor him even more.

His life displayed resilience 

Not just a dad but now known as Grandpa, watching him love our children is truly priceless. The time he takes to bond with each of them is cherished. He's the math teacher if we can't figure out the homework, the baseball catcher, babysitter, game attender, kiss seeking Grandpa that adores his grands.

Not just a dad but now known as Grandpa

Wise is what I consider my Dad. I can trust him to help me through difficult situations. He is one I know will give sound advice, tell me when I'm wrong and guide me to make sound decisions. I appreciate his presence in my life. I appreciate his love, and if you met him you make think he is a man of few words, but when he speaks its worth listening.

Wise is what I consider my Dad

So today, I honor my Dad for all that he has poured into me and my family. My life would not be where it is without him. Dad, you have made me see The Father as you have fathered me. I love you Dad and forever will be your daddy's girl!

Celebrate You!

Hello June! What an exciting month as school lets out for summer. Time to take a break from the routine of getting up early, making lunches, homework and early bedtime. We welcome summer with open arms by spending the days in the warm sun, relaxing, swimming in the pool, bike rides for ice cream and enjoying late sunsets. Its a glorious time of year. I love the seasons. I love what this month represents. I love June.

We welcome summer with open arms

June is also my birthday month. I've always enjoyed the fact that its half way through the year. I joke, although somewhat serious, that I'm guaranteed a gift every six months between my birthday and Christmas. Not a bad predicament. I'm a gift giver at heart. I love to give, and I also love to receive. Nothing wrong with that in my mind. My husband knows that my birthday will always be celebrated!

I'm a gift giver at heart.

And one should celebrate their birthday. Its our born day. The day the world said hello to the one and only you! See you were uniquely faceted and designed by the Creator, and there will never be another like you. Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Delight in the fact that God has given each of us an extraordinary purpose!

Delight in the fact that God has given each of us an extraordinary purpose!

Psalm 139:13-14a reiterates this stating "For You (God) created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers' womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." God Almighty, the Creator, took time, skill, imagination to make each of us unique, special, filled with purpose and value. That's something worth celebrating!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Celebrate why you say? Its just another day, another year older and who wants to admit that? Well, I do! I don't mind aging. In fact, I'm hope its true to the saying "Another year older, another year wiser". The years are the chapters in our lives that tell our story.

The years are the chapters in our lives that tell our story.

My story began back in 1977 in the state of Washington just outside of Seattle. I was the second child and second girl. My sister is only 15 months apart from me, and I was a surprise. But not a surprise to God! He knew I was coming. I was raised in a Christian home. My parents were both first generation Christians, and I made Jesus my Lord and Savior at an early age of 3.

I was a surprise but not a surprise to God

I was "a military brat" as my dad served in the US Coast Guard for twenty years which caused us to travel the United States for all of my childhood. I have lived in six states. I've always felt my upbringing caused me to adapt well and welcome change. My dad retired in 1994, and after spending the summer with my best friend's family, my mother picked me up, and I moved to Michigan for my senior year in high school. I attended a very small Christian school where I was number 13 in my class. A huge change from the public school I had attended. This, however, is where I met my husband on the first day when he asked to see my Massachusetts driver's license.

May 19, 1995, Michael and I had our first date to senior prom. He never stopped calling after that, and we dated for five years through college. I was married at the age of 23, a mother by the age of 25. I've been pregnant 7 times. Yikes! Two of which were miscarriages in the early stages. I'm raising 5 children: 4 boys and and the baby girl. Yes, we are done! Someone always asks…..

I graduated from Oakland University in 2000, the year we were married, with a Bachelors in General Studies. At the time, I was aspiring to be a physical therapist and worked at a clinic as the assistant office manager. The Lord had other plans, and as I got involved at church, I realized my love to sing was more than that but a calling. I have been leading worship since 2001.

I realized my love to sing was more than that but a calling

Michael and I will celebrate our 15 year anniversary this summer. That has many stories in itself but rest on the words, love, grace and forgiveness. We bought our first home in Roseville where we lived for eleven years and outgrew with our ever growing family. In 2011, we moved in with my dad after my mother passed away. Although that chapter of my life and still is a sad reality, the relationship we have built with my Dad is absolutely priceless.

This is my story, although very abbreviated, defining who I am. A first hand account filled with details to my current life chapter. See life is a journey. A series of events that walks us down the path of life filled many seasons of change, stretching, difficulty, joy and tears. All compiled into a unique story that is quite marveling.

Too many of us never account for our life story. We struggle through the day to day to just survive and don't look back at the fact that we've journeyed. It can be painful at times stirring up emotions that we don't want to experience again or perhaps shed light on an unhappy place we are living now. But why wait until our funeral for someone else to account our story? Lets allow our life to be told and propel us towards the deepest desires in our heart. Perhaps thats why I love birthdays. Its a day to say here's where my story began. Here's where I've journeyed to. Here's who I am.

I think aging perhaps can discourage us. We set a timeline in our minds of where we want to be, how we want to be living and what we had hoped to accomplish. This can make us give into the thoughts that there's been wasted years, wasted time. We look back with regret instead of looking forward with anticipation. I think that's a tactic of the enemy to keep us from living hopeful. Lets not fall for that. If we look at life in seasons or as chapters, we realize that our story is still being written.

We look back with regret instead of look forward with anticipation

I turn 38 in a matter of days. I can't believe that I'm almost 40!!! Forty always seemed so old to me, yet the closer I get, I realize its pretty young. There's so much of my life still to be played out. No matter if life has turned out just as I thought it would, I recognize that each day presents an opportunity that is the door to my future.

Each day presents an opportunity that is the door to your future

So let me encourage each of you today to begin to celebrate you! Celebrate the mere fact that you've made it this far. Celebrate the fact that with God nothing is impossible. Celebrate the fact that you are still breathing. Celebrate you! Your life has purpose and meaning! You matter, and you are worth celebrating!

Take time to sit down and account for your story. Remain hopeful that you are just in a chapter and your story has not ended. Rest in the fact that God has set you apart for an amazing purpose that as we seek Him, He will unfold the destiny of our lives. You matter! You are loved! You are celebrated by Father God. Today, let's celebrate you!

Twenty Years in the Making

They say nothing good is ever built overnight. "Rome wasn't built in a day" and like any good thing its ingredients must consist of effort, persistence, consistency and time. I think on these things as I turn a new chapter in my life that our ordinary days become extraordinary days when we build our lives with the right things.

Ordinary days become extraordinary days when we build our lives with the right things

As I get a little older, I'm becoming a little more nostalgic. All signs point to the fact that I'm aging, yet I still feel so much vigor for life. I'm not satisfied even still with where I am at. In fact, I still consider myself a young person just barely discovering the purpose of God for my life. Its exciting!

2015 marks several new milestones for me. This year will be 20 years since I've graduated from high school. It marks the beginning of a new age of parenting as we have our first teenager in the house come July. In August, my husband and I celebrate 15 years of marriage. Just saying these numbers reinforcing the reality how quickly days turn into years.

How quickly days turn into years

My hubby and I can hardly believe how quickly times flies. My oldest child is eye level, and I'm barely hanging on to be taller than him. It doesn't bother me that probably by summer, he'll be passing me up because I'll always be his mother, and pretty sure the fire in me could always whoop him if needed. Just kidding, but its a new season as I look back, I realize the journey is worth celebrating. Its take a lot of blood, sweat, tears and effort, and what we have doesn't happen on our own. With the grace of God, we have come a long way!

With the grace of God, we have come a long way!

May 19th has a special place in our heart because 20 years to the day, my husband and I had our first date! That set us on a course of dating for three years that led to a proposal, a ring, 2 years of engagement, a wedding, parenthood and a wonderful life together. 20 years summed up just like that has a lot to say, holds many memories, and we felt the beginning is worth celebrating.

The beginning can seem like the most exciting time. I think back to when Michael & I started dating. The attraction, the phone calls, going places together, it was intoxicating to fall in love. Yet, that kind of love, isn't what has kept us together all these years. Its been a lot of prayer, forgiveness, learning, understanding, and unconditional love. Its these efforts that have lead to success.

It was intoxicating to fall in love

It was fun to look back though and remember how it all started. The phone call that lead to our first date. I remember asking his best friend, Dan, one day in school who Michael was going to prom with and dropping a 'hint' that I'd love to go with him. In fact, I had it determined in my mind that if he didn't ask me, I was going to ask him! I think I would have too. I didn't want to miss the opportunity! I knew a good thing when I saw it!

I knew a good thing when I saw it!

This week, my husband and I traveled back to our beginning place, our first date, Zoe prom at an endearing dinner theatre in Northville, and there we reminisced over dinner about the beginning. The phone call, what we wore, what car he drove to pick me up, who rode with with us to prom, where we parked, what the play was about, did we eat before or after, where did we sit. Things we hadn't thought about or really talked about in quite awhile. I even found a picture from that day, and had my Dad print it out for us. It was fun to see how much we have changed! You forget what life looks and feels like at seventeen!

We reminisced over dinner about the beginning

Seventeen had very little cares or worries. We talked about that over dinner as we sat outside a little banquet room where a high school group was celebrating their year of accomplishments. We laughed as we asked ourselves, "Did we know what we were getting ourselves into?" No, probably not. The greatest laugh of the night came from looking at all the leftovers on our table. It was a seven course, family style meal with way too much food leftover. Twenty years ago, we wouldn't have even thought of taking the food home. We were at prom, but my husband said he was thinking lunch for tomorrow. Oh how life has changed!

But really it was good to look back and remember how it all began. An attraction that lead to love built on the foundation of God that has helped weather the seasons of life. I'm so grateful. Though so far from perfect, I wouldn't change a bit of the journey for it has lead me to now and a bright future.

An attraction that lead to love built on the foundation of God that has helped weather the seasons of life.

I penned a poem that I read to my husband at the end of the night that captured my thoughts looking back and looking ahead with great anticipation. I'm so in love with this man and grateful for the twenty years in the making.

Twenty years of laughter

Began with one date

You asked me out to prom

And I couldn't wait

Who knew that twenty years ago

One date would lead to another

A ring, a wedding

Then making me a mother

In life there's many seasons

Some more difficult than others

Twenty years has a way 

Of teaching you about another

Twenty years of holding hands

And walking this road together

I know with every step

You've made me all the better

So hello twenty years

We celebrate you today

We made it, we conquered

We look back and say

Twenty years in the making

God knew it from the start

I look forward to the rest of my life

And loving you with all my heart

Dedicated to my amazing husband, Michael, who has become my life partner and has loved me with an unconditional love. Forever grateful!

A Mother's Day Mess

There are no ordinary days….and then there are days….you know the ones that surprise you, startle you, reveal the mess of your emotions, and that's what Mother's Day was like for me this year. My mind had been musing these past few days on a blog post I wanted to write to honor of my mother. She passed away three years ago, and each year I do things in her memory. My intentions were to compile a list on how her legacy lives on, but pain took over and with it came a surprising perspective.

It all started with the morning scroll. Yes, I was doing the Facebook thing…seeing all the pictures posted with everyone and their mom. The news feed was full of them, and a wave of sorrow just flooded me. I couldn't control the tears as reality revealed the pain of knowing she was no longer with us. So many life events she wouldn't be a part of. No current pictures to show of the two of us. How my heart hurt. The pain was real.

A wave of sorrow just flooded me….the pain was real

I'm usually not an emotional person, at least in the crying sense, but I stepped into the shower and couldn't contain it any longer. I wept. Tears of sorrow. I told God "I need you to love on me today cause I'm hurting. I'm missing my mom so deeply, and the pain is just too real. The reality hurts. Please love on me today. I need you to love me." Its not that I doubted HIS love. I just needed to be overtaken in it.

'Please love on me today...'

I'm so grateful I can be vulnerable like that with God because its hard for me to be that way with many people, and He whispered back "I have brought many people to love on you. Let them." So, I continued the rest of the morning getting ready. Sprayed a dash of my mother's perfume when my husband came in shortly after. He noticed right away and said "That's your Mom's perfume I smell." I broke down crying again. Ugggh…too many tears. I shared my heart with him as he wrapped his arms around me and embraced my pain.

We drove to church. Upon arrival, I couldn't make it in the building. More tears. "No one needs to see me this way," I thought. I'm sad. I'm broken. In perfect timing, I received a text from a friend "Happy Mother's Day to my very best amazing friend! So blessed by you and I know your family is too".

Another moment of love. Thank you God. I texted her back with thanks for our lifelong friendship and shared it was a rough morning. She embraced my pain even though she couldn't imagine and said something so profound "Celebrating you and your mom today because there is so much of her in you and your kids." I pulled myself together and walked into church grateful even when broken.

Celebrating you and your Mom today because there is so much of her in you and your kids.

Service has started and worship had begun…so very bittersweet, yet healing as we sang the words "You're a good, good Father. Its who You are. Its who You are. And I'm loved by You….its who I am. Its who I am". Worship in His presence was medicine to my soul as I offered a sacrifice of praise in the midst of pain. More love, yes love in the midst of worship.

Worship in His presence was medicine to my soul

It was shortly after that time of worship that I began to look around and see people. Not through my eyes, but His. I was seeing other people's stories, remembering they too had pain, sorrow and grief. It was as if the Holy Spirit was giving me a list of those who I should reach out to and love on today. Galations 6:2 says to 'Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.' The Lord was repositioning my eyes from my own pain and refocusing them on others. I agreed to the list He gave me and made time to reach out to those people. The most powerful reality hit me that as I loved on others in their pain, I too was being ministered in my pain. God makes beauty from our ashes. I love His ways.

The Lord was repositioning my eyes from my own pain and refocusing them on others.

Service concluded, and God wasn't done with me yet. Here comes God with a human hand...another overwhelming moment of love as a sweet lady from church surprised me with the most beautiful, unexpected gift. She sat me down and poured into me words of appreciation I didn't expect to hear. I cried. The ugly cry and thanked her. I told her I was having an emotional day, and she wrapped her arms around to love on me.

Here comes God with a human hand

Her thoughtfulness to think of me on this day was God's love wrapped in this gorgeous box decorated with handmade repurposed coffee bag remnants from our business made into ribbon and tastefully adorned with beautiful golden, pearl like buttons. Thoughtful, inspiring, I didn't even need to open it as just the gesture was enough, but we continued to share the moment together as I carefully opened the box from one end.

God's love wrapped in this gorgeous box

Out came a gift I will forever treasure displaying the legacy of my family. A wooden cutting board that had been inscribed with the date of my wedding anniversary, the letter F, our family name, Flosky, and then each of our first names. What a perfect reminder of the life I had been blessed with. I couldn't be more grateful as I hugged and thanked her over and over. God's love overwhelming me once again.

I learned so much from this day. A day that seemed to begin so painfully. A day that at first I wondered how I would make it through, but God's loving faithfulness took over and here's what I takeaway:

• God is faithful. His promises are true. He meets us in our most vulnerable place. As I opened my heart to Him, he came in and picked up the broken pieces
• God is one step ahead. He knew what the day would bring and made provisions to meet me in this day.
• God never intended for us to walk through this life alone. He brings us people to hold our hands, uplift our arms and embrace us in our deepest time of need.
• God wants to use our pain to minister to others. Your pain can be a testimony and encouragement to others who are hurting. Take the journey with others. Don't walk it alone.
• God is love. Its His nature, its His core, its who He is and I am so very loved by Him. Its who I am and what He wants me to be….love.

As I reflect back on this mess of a not so ordinary day, I'm grateful for the journey that is teaching me so much. Grateful to God for His love. Grateful for the people He has brought into my life. I'm truly overwhelmed.

To my mother, Joanne, words can describe how deeply I miss you. I appreciate you more now than I ever have before. I can't wait to see you again. Forever in my heart.